As you can imagine (or maybe you can’t, so I’ll fill you in), my marriage is a challenge. Not because of my wife. Oh, no! She is the most loving, gracious, kind, and patient person I have ever met. Bar none!!
No, my marriage is a challenge because it’s mixed…mixed-orientation, that is. I’m gay, my wife is straight. That causes all kinds of challenges. My personal journey as a gay christian man who is in a heterosexual marriage is what this blog is all about…telling my, and our, story. (If this is your first visit, take some time and read through my “wanderings”…you will begin to catch a vision of our journey).
I’ve been thinking about our marriage the last few days. And the other night at work I started crying when a song came to my mind and I started singing it.
It goes like this…
“Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed”
“Some say love it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
And you it’s only seed”
“It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance”
“It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyin’
That never learns to live”
“When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong”
“Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
In the spring becomes the rose”
(The Rose, Bette Midler)
My wife is a lover. She loves me more than I can ever deserve. She has continued to take a chance on me, because she loves me so much. And even though she has stared the death of her dreams in the face, I believe that she is also discovering life in the midst of it all.
And even though Spring is coming to bloom all around us, in some ways our marriage is still in a winter season. Not dead. Not hopeless. Not desperate. No…far from it!
Because, winter does not equate to lifelessness.
Winter is just the prelude to new, colorful, bountiful, and beautiful life. It is the dress rehearsal. It is the final fitting.
The seed of a most awesome thing is soaking in God’s grace, mercy, and love. And…also soaking in our love for each other. That seed will one day break the surface of the soil of our life together, and will grow and bloom into something more wonderful than we can ever imagine.
Spring is coming.