You Are Worth _____

What is a person’s worth?

I’ve had two recent thought-provoking interactions with people whom I was serving in my job role as a third-party service provider. Two dramatically different responses to my actions. These responses came to me after I provided the service I was paid to provide, at the highest level of professionalism possible. But, because of errors made by the primary vendor (not my company or me), both of these interactions were less than positive. After the one I was made to feel totally stupid, unappreciated, and worthless; after the other, I felt appreciated and understood.

What gives?

I read crap on social media that people say and support, like: “they are stupid,” “a very low IQ person,” “God hates you,” “a dog,” and “a despicable person.”

Where do people get off talking about (and to) other people like this? Why do some people think it’s ok to do this?

I am sure that there are a myriad of answers to those questions. Allow me to submit one simplistic possibility – I believe it’s because our world is becoming more self-centered than ever before. And with that comes a dilution of the innate worth of any other person.

Some people don’t engage in conversation anymore because they can’t stomach another point of view. Instead they launch into nasty tirades on social media because they can get instant “followers” that way and they don’t have to put up with opposing views in the process. Or they launch into a demeaning, bullying lambaste of a service provider at their front door simple because they don’t care about anyone else but their own self.

Now, don’t misunderstand me – humanity has the capacity to do some pretty disgusting, stupid, and despicable things. Even good people fall into those mistakes from time to time. But, that doesn’t make them “despicable,” it just makes their decision to take that action very wrong. And that’s where some people get it wrong…they transfer the descriptive label from the action to the person.

I believe in the inherent, innate, and ultimate value of the human person. That means that I can’t afford to swap the labels from action to person.

As I was leaving a job a few years ago, at the going away party the company hosted for me, my boss stated that “Trevor always treats people right.” I hope I never lose that.

Simply because you are worth everything.

– Trevor

Various & Intriguing

<A few personal rambling thoughts of mine and some statements of others that have caught my attention the last few days.>

“I love her. I truly do!” It’s so difficult being in this state of my life. It really is no wonder that a very small percentage of mixed-orientation marriages last. And, add to those general statistics the fact that I came to acknowledge my sexual orientation nearly 25 years into our marriage…and add to that fact the devastating effect of my marital infidelity with another man. But all that pales in comparison to the fact that my love for my wife is a soul-deep and abiding love and commitment. Although my past has been far from perfect, I’m doing all that I can to show her my love and how much I want us to stay together. I don’t ever want to be apart from her. I don’t ever want to be separated from her. I don’t ever want to have the divorce discussion. NO! I want to grow old with her! I love her!! I can’t explain it…how I can be gay and still deeply in love with her. To am so attached to her. It’s more than a feeling, it is a fact. I just know it. It is. My love is. I.Love.Her.

“What’s next?” I’ve pretty much given up on the whole ministry thing. It didn’t take me too long to realize that any support I would be apple to garner would only be within certain parameters that really didn’t match my own experience. Add to that the fact that I lost my ministry in the first place because I had a sexual affair with another man. Having one with a woman would have been bad enough, but in that case there would have been some hope of my ministerial return. But, it seems the church can’t bring itself to employ the fully forgiving grace of God in a male/male affair, in that I was recently told that there “is no way” that I would be restored. So, I’m moving on. Now, I’m on a serious search for a much better paying job that will take me into a healthy and financially secure retirement. My dream is to spend my retirement years with my wife in full-time RVing…and it’s going to take some serious scratch to make that happen.

“Ben Carson said what??” In a recent interview with Chris Cuomo, the conservative presidential hopeful had this exchange:
  Chris Cuomo: “You think being gay is a choice?”
  Ben Carson: “Absolutely”
  Chris Cuomo: “Why do you say that?
  Ben Carson: “Because, a lot of people who go into prison, go into prison straight and when they come out, they’re gay, so did something happen while they were in there?”

This blogger states, “As a neurosurgeon, Ben Carson is a man of science, but in this exchange he sounds like an uncle who has downed a pint of Wild Turkey and suddenly wants to make half the family uncomfortable with his dim views of the world.” When I read that, I was again reminded of the great ignorance that continues to dumb down some segments of our fellow Americans. My second thought was – president?!? Please God, no!!

“Victims don’t want to be well.” I recently heard a minister make this statement, along with many others that were simply ignorant of the pain and suffering, some lifelong, of those who have suffered abuse at the hands of other people, some of whom were “good church people.” Now, I will give the minister a little bit of a break because he prefaced the aforementioned statements by talking about the atmosphere of “victimization” of the American culture. The problem is, there is a huge difference between being a “victim” and someone who lives in the realm of “victimization.” He’s a smart guy and highly educated. He should have known better…he probably does. Quite frankly, he should have spent more time on that section of this sermon manuscript. Not only was I surprised by what he said, I was also somewhat offended. Because I’m a victim of sexual abuse; however, I’m not living in victimization. I know the difference. He should have, too.

“Out of fear of compromising its sexual ethic the Church has inadvertently compromised its more foundational witness of God’s reconciling movement toward humanity.” That statement literally jumped off the page at me. This blogger so effectively deals with the “label” issue. In case you aren’t a part of a faith community that is lost in knowing how to address and minister to the LGBTQ community, there is a raging battle between those who – like myself – carry the label of “gay Christian” and those who insist that is not possible and that we must use “same-sex-attracted” instead in order to be fully integrated into the faith community. I was recently told to basically “get lost” and that I had nothing to offer the conversation because I was simply concerned with being “politically correct” because I offered some suggested language changes to the church in attempting ministry to the LGBTQ community. After reading this blog, I was encouraged that I wasn’t alone. Sadly, some will just never get it.

I’m still friends with the monsters in my head.

Franklin Graham should stay out of race relations. At least until he spends some time outside his particular bubble. It is another ignorant, and ultimately stupid, statement by a southern, white, conservative, American minister. This blogger offers some good thoughts in that regard.

A few various and intriguing thoughts. What say you?

– Trevor