*st*risk (the misplaced update)

While reviewing my blog, I discovered this post from a couple of years back which I failed to publish. It obviously is dated and doesn’t match the calendar, but it’s still applicable.

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Father’s Day.

It’s been an awesome day filled with love and joy. Surrounded by my loving wife, beautiful daughters, awesome son in law, and two granddaughters – one of which is only 1 week old – we have loved and laughed.

Except…

I have carried with me an asterisk. There in the back of my mind. There in the scar tissue part of my heart. The * ties itself to everything I am and attempt to do. The * that changes the way I’m viewed.

A faithful husband – with an * of past failures. A nagging memory that won’t go away. I know she feels it, too.

A good dad – except for that awful * that haunts my efforts to lead my family. I fear they feel it, too.

Well, * is what * is. This “holiday” has been a tad tarnished. For me anyway.

Tomorrow will be a new day with new mercies. I will trust that He will bring some new healing and strength.

Maybe in time the * will shrink in its influence and power over me.

-Trevor

Tell Your Heart To Beat Again

Words…escape me.

Pain

Pain.

Pain in the moment.

A song to sing, a story to tell.

A sojourner’s heart to bind and heal.

Pain.

Pain in the memory.

That should be my happy wife.

That should be my faith community.

Pain.

Opportunity lost in the moments and the memories.

In the constant.

In the change.

My companion.

Pain.

Meeting For The First Time

Written upon the death of my great nephew today, just 3 months old
He was named after his great grandfather, my dad

In his slumber and sleep
His name was called
We won’t ever understand
But we will believe
That his Companion
Dispatched his namesake
To meet for the first time
And to usher him
Into his eternal home

Be at peace, little one

– Trevor