Second only to love, forgiveness is the most powerful force known to man.

Both for the forgiven and the forgiver.

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Eye to Eye

Seems to me, if you want to know the real me, look me in the eye.

Want to hear my backstory…my eyes speak volumns.

Want to learn of my talents, skills, and abilities…they sparkle in my eyes.

Want to begin to understand my passions and calling…my eyes reflect the needs.

Want to unlock my motivations and drives…my eyes hold the key.

Want to embrace my fears and tears…begin in my eyes.

Want to experience my joys and exuberation…discover them in my eyes.

I believe that no “heart to heart” understanding will ever exist between two humans, especially those who may have diametrically opposing points of view, without beginning with eye-to-eye interaction. For, in some important ways, being eye to eye isn’t about agreeing, but simply learning.

First, it requires close physical proximity. No “virtual” connection behind which we can hide or remain anonymous, at least to some degree.

Second, it acknowledges that the other side of the interaction is actually a human being. Not a theory, not a belief, not a movement, not a sin. A living, breathing human being.

Third, if we are serious about true engagement and learning, then it will require that we exercise major discipline. The act of simply keeping our mouths from spouting off along with listening closely are major hurdles for many.

Fourth, it facilitates clarification. The back and forth of conversational flow happens best in this type of setting while looking in another’s eyes.

Most importantly, the eyes are the gatekeepers of the heart. In the deepest ways and on the most important issues of life, we don’t enter into one another’s hearts unless we first look into each other’s eyes.

I am a man…a husband…a father…a grandpa…a Christian…gay…in a mixed oriented marriage…chaste.

But as complicated as all that is, there is much more to me. But, you will never know unless we get…

Eye to eye.

-Trevor

Untouchable

The melancholy hit me during my work shift last night. It was my dream last night. It is my companion this morning.

It must be horrific to be my wife. Lost faith. Trust destroyed. Devastated security. Intimacy defaced. Friends and family questioning. “Will it ever be ‘happily ever after’ again?”

It must be embarrassing to be my child. Daddy cheated on mom…and all that goes along with that. Enough said.

It must be terrible to be my family member or friend. At best awkwardness. At worst abandonment. My list of those who “know” and who have stayed by my side has gotten quite short. Even some that I believed would never walk away have done just that.

I am a fairly quiet and introverted person. I tend to be on the shy side. It takes me a while to build healthy and meaningful relationships. And when I got to the point that I could trust enough to share this most hidden part of myself with those that I grew to love and respect, sadly some of them moved on and out of my life. It makes my already small circle of intimate friends even smaller. I get it. For them, I’ve become rather untouchable. It makes me feel lonely. It makes me very melancholy. Actually…sad. And angry. But, I am a really nice guy. So, in spite of how deeply I feel their absence, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. And try to move on.

I know that it is not easy living with me.

I have to.

-Trevor

My Friend

I have a friend. He has an agenda. It’s pretty straightforward.

He loves me.

He is safe. I can share anything with him, and it stays with him. He is a great listener and confidant. By doing so, he lets the deepest recesses of my heart and mind reach the light of day.

He is strong. He asks me the hard questions. He makes me consider and reconsider. He is a strong defender of my faith and commitment.

He is available. Whether it is for a lunch or a quick cry for prayer, he is there. He hasn’t walked away from me when I came out; in fact, he drew closer. I don’t make him feel nervous or ashamed.

He is an exemplary fighter. He knows what “journey” means. He has fought his own demons and has learned to live in freedom and victory. He passes on the wisdom he has built into his own life.

I deeply value my friend. His friendship and his loyalty to our relationship is like nothing I’ve experienced, second only to my wife.

Is it any wonder I call him “my friend?”

-Trevor

Can I Buy You A Beer?

It’s a friendly place in the basement of an old building on a busy street. Sitting at the beautiful wooden bar is a smattering of people chatting and enjoying a cold one. The door opens and in steps a regular. Everyone looks in the direction of the opening door and says…

Recently, my wife enjoyed some meaningful conversation, laughter, and just good company of a very close friend. It was empowering and healing for her. As I was thinking about her evening of fun, my mind went to Cheers. The cast of characters that made that show funny will always remain memorable.

But more importantly to me, it was what happened in that place that really grabbed my attention.

Long before the days of social media, people spent time in personal presence with each other. As much as I enjoy my outlets and connections on electronic social avenues, what I really need and want is people who will invest time and their own personal space and let me in. I suspect that if we are all honest, that is what we all want and need. We need someone to share a cold one, or a cup of coffee, or a ride in the countryside, or an afternoon fishing together…someone who will give us them. Someone who will look us in the eye…hold our hand…put an arm around our shoulders…hug us tight…laugh and cry with us…just simply – and powerfully – be there. Someone who is not there to simply commiserate, but who lifts us up and speaks truth into our hearts and minds.

It is called community.

Not only is that what I want and need, it is what I must be for my friend.

So, you thirsty?

-Trevor