#gaylivesmatter

The attached article was written as a Christian response to the #blacklivesmatter campaign. It is a powerful call to the church to embrace this important element of its true existence. I believe that it can also be interpreted as a call that #gaylivesmatter. It is a reminder that too many are lost to us and we must do all we can to stop the broken lives and hopelessness.

https://sojo.net/articles/social-justice-christian-tradition-not-liberal-agenda

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The Beautiful Mind Effect

It’s still there.

I’m loving my wife just a fully and faithfully as I know how. I’m avoiding anything and everything possible that would derail my integrity and destroy our relationship. Our peace, our laughter, our enjoyment, our intimacy is paramount to me. But in spite of all that awesome life I have with her…

It’s still there.

I’m trying my best to show my children that I love their mother and am deeply committed to our marriage. It is my hope that they will see and realize that I haven’t given up on us, on them, or on a happy future. But in spite of that…

It’s still there.

My mental state is one of sustained peace like none than I have experienced in a long time. My job situation is more stable, Our living arrangement is more agreeable. I’ve embraced who I am and what it takes to be contented with this crazy life that is mine. And it spite of that…

It’s still there.

My faith journey is one that is most interesting. I’ve come to believe that much of what I used to call my faith is simply organizational junk and mythical religiosity. I’m still sorting through many things, but I’ve stripped myself down to the bare bones of the basic tenets of the Christian faith. There are WAY more “non essentials” now in my faith than there used to be. But, in spite of all that…

It’s still there.

For as long as my memory goes back…the same now as at age 7 or 8…it’s still there.

The sight of a cute/handsome/hot guy catches my attention…and my mind wants to take me for a ride.

Ummm…<gulp>…focus!!

I’m calling it “The Beautiful Mind Effect”.

A Beautiful Mind is an awesome movie directed by Ron Howard and starring Russell Crowe, Ed Harris, and Jennifer Connelly. It is an absolutely engrossing depiction of the true life of Dr. John Nash, Princeton Mathematics Professor and Nobel Prize Winner, who happened to be a paranoid schizophrenic. In the final moments of the movie, Nash (portrayed by Crowe), in response to an inquiry of a colleague regarding his condition, said “I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them. Like a diet of the mind, I just choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for patterns; perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream.”

Those really attractive guys that pass before my eyes are there. Really there…in flesh and blood. That’s the main difference between me and Nash. However, I am learning that my mind, like his, must be on a perpetual diet, I must choose not to indulge those “certain appetites.”

And I just want you to know how very difficult that is.

Very.

At times, it’s a hellish experience.

Because…my attraction to those guys…

Is still there.

– Trevor

Gay ≠ Lesser

Good thoughts…important questions.

Another Anomaly Among Many

I recently sat down with one of my friends to catch up on life, and the reflections that I had after that conversation are the basis of this post. Now, I generally try to refrain from writing angry/irritated posts just for the sake of it, but I’ve been realizing that if this blog is going to be about my experiences, it has to include everything, because other people have probably felt those things too. So I’ll try not to just go off on everything, but what I write here is going to encompass all the different things that I’ve felt and experienced.

What I’ve been thinking about since my friend and I had that conversation is this: why do people automatically view us as being somehow dirtier, more sinful, and less sincere about our faith just because we identify as LGBT? Why do our theology and our motivations get questioned…

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Screaming Into The Wind

Screaming into the wind
Of this existence
That seems to be pulling
And twisting and tangling me

Screaming into the wind
Of this life
That seems to be blowing
Hope and joy away with its bluster

Screaming into the wind
Of this marriage
That seems to be lacking
The strength to blow away the junk

Screaming into the wind
Of this faith
That seems to only
Be happy in considering me “fringe”

Screaming into the wind
Of this work
That seems to blow away
My passions and motivations

Screaming into the wind
Of this mind
That seems to never find
The peaceful rhythm it seeks

Screaming into the wind
Of this journey
That seems to be devoid
Of understanding and open friendships

Screaming into the wind
Of this life
That seems to only be cyclical
Dreams buried in the soil of monotony

Screaming into the wind
The howling wind
That seems to tear and tatter
The form and life of this man

Screaming into the wind
Barely hearing
The sound of my own ragged voice
Begging, pleading, hoping, crying

Screaming into the wind
Will this worm
Ever find hope, joy, and new life
Inside this claustrophobic cocoon?

Oh, for a calm from this howling wind
Oh, for a respite for my failing voice

-Trevor

The Problem With Gay People Is That They Are…

I know you’ve got a problem with gay people. Let me see if I’ve got this “straight” (pun included at no extra cost) –

The problem with gay people is that they are…

Normal
We love. We dislike. We work. We play. We hope. We lose hope. We dream. We despair. We are just normal people. Just like you.

We do not have some kind of mental or physical disease that needs to be fixed or cured. This is who we are. Our sexual orientation is just as an integral part of us as your heterosexual orientation is an integral part of you. Which means that just like you didn’t choose heterosexuality, we didn’t choose our homosexuality; just like you can’t change your orientation, we can’t change ours. This isn’t a fad or a phase we are going through. We aren’t out to win some popularity contest or be “cool” (are you kidding??).

For most of “us,” at least for those of us who are “out” to some extent, this has been a journey that has taken a significant amount of time and effort in our lives. In my own case, I’ve been on this journey since about the age of 9. In my compartmentalized state, I kept this hidden and secret. All because of the imposed shame that I was given. But, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m just your normal guy.

Too bad you can’t see me like that.

You really wish we were strange, freaky, hateful, and unlovable people. But, come to find out, we aren’t.

I know that’s a problem for you.

People of Faith
It may make you uncomfortable. It may make you squirm. You may not be able to bring yourself to accept the fact. But it is a fact. We love God. We love to worship. We love to study the Bible. We love to discuss theology. We love the community of faith. We love to volunteer to make our churches happy and healthy. We love to work alongside of you to reach the community and make it a better place. We believe that “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son” (John 3:16). We are faithful followers of Christ. We are Christian.

Yes, we are gay Christians.

You really wish we were God-hating, devil-worshiping people. But, come to find out, we aren’t.

I know that’s a problem for you.

Agenda-Driven
You are right…we do, in fact, have an agenda.

Here is my personal gay agenda.

Here is the perspective of the “gay agenda” by a LGBTQ supporter.

You really wish we were out to destroy everything you hold dear. But, come to find out, we aren’t.

I know that’s a problem for you.

~~~~~~~

It is my belief that if these three facts could be embraced, then we could begin to have a good conversation about how true “community” can be expressed and experienced by all people. Straight and LGBTQ alike.

And more than a conversation. Conviction. Then…reality.

-Trevor