*st*risk (the misplaced update)

While reviewing my blog, I discovered this post from a couple of years back which I failed to publish. It obviously is dated and doesn’t match the calendar, but it’s still applicable.

*******

Father’s Day.

It’s been an awesome day filled with love and joy. Surrounded by my loving wife, beautiful daughters, awesome son in law, and two granddaughters – one of which is only 1 week old – we have loved and laughed.

Except…

I have carried with me an asterisk. There in the back of my mind. There in the scar tissue part of my heart. The * ties itself to everything I am and attempt to do. The * that changes the way I’m viewed.

A faithful husband – with an * of past failures. A nagging memory that won’t go away. I know she feels it, too.

A good dad – except for that awful * that haunts my efforts to lead my family. I fear they feel it, too.

Well, * is what * is. This “holiday” has been a tad tarnished. For me anyway.

Tomorrow will be a new day with new mercies. I will trust that He will bring some new healing and strength.

Maybe in time the * will shrink in its influence and power over me.

-Trevor

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Arithmatic

One plus one
Four minus two
Adding
Subtracting

Simple equations
Learned in one’s youth
Rediscovered as a power
Even to an eternal degree

May the thoughts of me
Which you harbor within
Be of shrinking, dying negatives
And growing, flourishing positives

-Trevor

Legacy

“It’s never too late to start doing what is right.”
Charles Swindoll

I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy the last few days. With the death of my wife’s grandmother and being reminded of her loving and Godly life, I’ve been transported back to memories of other Godly people in my life and the impact they have left on my life…their legacy. Those lives were marked by the uncanny ability to sense the will of God in how to live their lives and an ability to fearlessly live it out in different locales and situations. A seemingly unshakable faith in their Heavenly Father to always know best and ability to always provide for the basics of life. Grandparents and parents have directly and powerfully shaped me.

Although there have been bright spots in my life where I “had it together” more than others, in general I’ve been somewhat of a poor steward of that faith and legacy. In fact, one could say that I’ve blown it.

But, it’s never too late to start doing what is right.

I’ve reached the half-century mark. I keep telling my wife that I’m going to live to the age of 100. So, I truly hope that the last half of my life will be more legacy-building than the first half. My legacy will include three main components:

* Faith – the last couple of years, my faith has been in a deconstruction/reconstruction process. I’ve told people that I’ve “thrown out the bath water but kept the Baby (Jesus).” My faith now contains some basic essentials about which I won’t compromise, and only a few things that are important to my personal faith journey but not necessarily essential to my faith in Christ. That means that I’m much more fearless in my conversations with others about life and how faith plays a part in one’s life, a fearless confidence in Christ and His life in me, and a life that embraces more hope on a daily basis than I have experienced in the previous years of my life. I want my legacy to be one that will be remembered as one which engaged and walked with other people on their journey of faith…exploring and discovering together the power of Christ.

* Family – if you read much of my blog you know the devastation that my actions introduced into the fabric of my family. My family is the most precious series of relationships I have on this earth. It is also the most precarious…and if I’m not careful, it can be eternally destroyed. I am determined that my legacy will be a fully faithful and more engaged, happy, and supportive husband, father, and grandpa than ever before.

* Ministry – since I’m not only a PK (preacher’s kid) but also a minister with 20+ years of experience in local church ministry, I know how to “do church”…and how to do it well. But, that’s not really what I want my legacy to be. I want it to be transformative. I want it to be the sojourning of souls on an exploration and discovery of faith and community. My life experiences, as partially displayed in the words of this blog, provide a unique door through which some powerful ministry can take place. I want my legacy to be to lead the church into a more loving stance to the LGBTQ community and “by all means save some.”

It’s never too late to start doing what is right.

Doing it.

-Trevor