Various & Intriguing

<A few personal rambling thoughts of mine and some statements of others that have caught my attention the last few days.>

“I love her. I truly do!” It’s so difficult being in this state of my life. It really is no wonder that a very small percentage of mixed-orientation marriages last. And, add to those general statistics the fact that I came to acknowledge my sexual orientation nearly 25 years into our marriage…and add to that fact the devastating effect of my marital infidelity with another man. But all that pales in comparison to the fact that my love for my wife is a soul-deep and abiding love and commitment. Although my past has been far from perfect, I’m doing all that I can to show her my love and how much I want us to stay together. I don’t ever want to be apart from her. I don’t ever want to be separated from her. I don’t ever want to have the divorce discussion. NO! I want to grow old with her! I love her!! I can’t explain it…how I can be gay and still deeply in love with her. To am so attached to her. It’s more than a feeling, it is a fact. I just know it. It is. My love is. I.Love.Her.

“What’s next?” I’ve pretty much given up on the whole ministry thing. It didn’t take me too long to realize that any support I would be apple to garner would only be within certain parameters that really didn’t match my own experience. Add to that the fact that I lost my ministry in the first place because I had a sexual affair with another man. Having one with a woman would have been bad enough, but in that case there would have been some hope of my ministerial return. But, it seems the church can’t bring itself to employ the fully forgiving grace of God in a male/male affair, in that I was recently told that there “is no way” that I would be restored. So, I’m moving on. Now, I’m on a serious search for a much better paying job that will take me into a healthy and financially secure retirement. My dream is to spend my retirement years with my wife in full-time RVing…and it’s going to take some serious scratch to make that happen.

“Ben Carson said what??” In a recent interview with Chris Cuomo, the conservative presidential hopeful had this exchange:
  Chris Cuomo: “You think being gay is a choice?”
  Ben Carson: “Absolutely”
  Chris Cuomo: “Why do you say that?
  Ben Carson: “Because, a lot of people who go into prison, go into prison straight and when they come out, they’re gay, so did something happen while they were in there?”

This blogger states, “As a neurosurgeon, Ben Carson is a man of science, but in this exchange he sounds like an uncle who has downed a pint of Wild Turkey and suddenly wants to make half the family uncomfortable with his dim views of the world.” When I read that, I was again reminded of the great ignorance that continues to dumb down some segments of our fellow Americans. My second thought was – president?!? Please God, no!!

“Victims don’t want to be well.” I recently heard a minister make this statement, along with many others that were simply ignorant of the pain and suffering, some lifelong, of those who have suffered abuse at the hands of other people, some of whom were “good church people.” Now, I will give the minister a little bit of a break because he prefaced the aforementioned statements by talking about the atmosphere of “victimization” of the American culture. The problem is, there is a huge difference between being a “victim” and someone who lives in the realm of “victimization.” He’s a smart guy and highly educated. He should have known better…he probably does. Quite frankly, he should have spent more time on that section of this sermon manuscript. Not only was I surprised by what he said, I was also somewhat offended. Because I’m a victim of sexual abuse; however, I’m not living in victimization. I know the difference. He should have, too.

“Out of fear of compromising its sexual ethic the Church has inadvertently compromised its more foundational witness of God’s reconciling movement toward humanity.” That statement literally jumped off the page at me. This blogger so effectively deals with the “label” issue. In case you aren’t a part of a faith community that is lost in knowing how to address and minister to the LGBTQ community, there is a raging battle between those who – like myself – carry the label of “gay Christian” and those who insist that is not possible and that we must use “same-sex-attracted” instead in order to be fully integrated into the faith community. I was recently told to basically “get lost” and that I had nothing to offer the conversation because I was simply concerned with being “politically correct” because I offered some suggested language changes to the church in attempting ministry to the LGBTQ community. After reading this blog, I was encouraged that I wasn’t alone. Sadly, some will just never get it.

I’m still friends with the monsters in my head.

Franklin Graham should stay out of race relations. At least until he spends some time outside his particular bubble. It is another ignorant, and ultimately stupid, statement by a southern, white, conservative, American minister. This blogger offers some good thoughts in that regard.

A few various and intriguing thoughts. What say you?

– Trevor

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4 thoughts on “Various & Intriguing

  1. It’s the outside voices we need to worry about. Especially if they are attempting to sway our moral, ethical, or personal point of view. The inner voices don’t have to make sence, at least not immediately. I find that they are a subliminal guide in the puzzle of Life.

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  2. Hello friend. You make some great points. About your love for your wife, NO one and I really mean NO ONE has a right to tell you and your wife how you feel . Only you both can say how you feel. However I have to say I think that your love for her is great, but love has to be a two way street. It has to have some love from her, some commitment also. You take all the responsibility on your self and all the effort, I think that is a cause for problems. It will dim what you can accomplish together. The more you are a partnership and your feelings are equal then the more you can build on it …together.

    As for your ministry to others, I don’t see how your fellow man has the power to over ride what you feel is a calling from your deity? Look if you believe your deity wants you to interact in a spiritual leadership positions, then no man can tell you that because your gay you can not do as your god wishes. Now they can tell you that they can stop you in their church, but not in any other actions or churches or any any other ministry. So follow your heart if that is truly what you wish. Remember you do not need to make big steps at first. You can make smaller ones and build on them.

    I know how you feel about other people saying rather stupid bigoted things. Just remember that while we must always speak out against bigotry and the harm of others, it is not our job to change anyone’s mind. Some people will hear you and your words will make sense to them, however for some people nothing you say will give them pause for thought and nothing will help them feel for others.

    I do not feel being gay makes you either a victim nor gives you a attitude in victimization. I do think listening to and believing in bigoted people with an agenda in denying the rights and feelings of the gay people. The best thing to do in the case of those people, is to do as it says in the bible, leave them and shake the dust of their bigoted thoughts from your shoes. Do not look back. No man can tell you your personal relationship with your God, that is up to you.

    Well that is my thoughts. I wish you the very best. I hope you and your wife enjoy RVing. Ron and I did and after giving it up, we have decided to try to go back to it. You are right it takes a lot of money at first to buy into the life style, but it is a very cost effect way to live. Much cheaper. Also an Idea, often you can stay near a church for some months at a time that needs pastoral help. The church behind our home uses the extra help for 7 months of the year. Have fun and be well. Hugs

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  3. I was just listening to a sermon given by Franklin Graham. Now I disagree with him on his stance on homosexuality and flooding government with religious ideologues, however I do agree with him on the following thing he said. This reminded me of you and your wish to minister to others. he said:

    “Don’t shut up, guys,” he said to wild applause. “You don’t shut up. If the people that are coming after you, ‘yak, yak, yak,’ and they want to run you out of church, then let them run you out of church. Go to another church, let them have that church. I’ll tell you what, God will bless you and he’ll honor you if you speak up and you tell the truth.” –

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/franklin-graham-exhorts-pastors-dont-shut-about-homosexuality-and-abortion

    I agree with him on the don’t shut up part. We know right from wrong on discrimination, we know all people are equal before the law, we know that we have to work for everyone to have rights, and the basics of life. We know we are a secular society, with the right to religions practice but not being forced to, and government is separate from religion. We know these things so lets not be shouted down by people who wish to deny freedom and rights to all, lets not give up because those who hate shout louder and call us names. Lets not stay silent because it rocks the bigoted ways of some church people who don’t want to face the fact that GOD is to speak, not them. Lets not let those who live in the past make our future. You are the future. Go live it, show others there is a way. You can be as your deity made you, A gay man, in love with a woman, his kids, life, and still has a reason and work to do helping others. I ask you to be a witness for what and who you are. Not hidden under a basket, not denying anything about you, but bravely standing up and saying I believe my God made me and my family this way, and he wants me to live a great good happy life so you can see it can be done. IF you are against the others like me, you are against the very GOD you claim to love.

    Well I will get off my soap box now. I know it seems strange a pagan is so passionate about your right to minister your beliefs with out hindrance from your former fellow worshipers, but it is the same for any group or person who is held back and pushed down for the sake of bigotry. We either stand for each other, so we hang separate was the saying. We do not have to worship the same, but we must not prevent the honest worship of the other, we may not have the same gods, but we must give each other the right to find our personal gods.

    SO I wish you the very best and much strength. Be well and happy, for in the way you live your life, and your demeanor is the best witness you can show others. They will come to you and ask, how can you be so compassionate, so kind, so accepting…and then you can tell them your journey with your deity.
    Hugs

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