Show Me What I Don’t Know

I get it.

I am a sinner. I have failed. I have miserably failed. I have broken promises. I have demolished covenant. I have undervalued love. I have stretched patience. I have assumed upon grace. I have presumed upon mercy.

You think I’m a mess. You tell me that frequently. So, you try to fix me, to redefine me, to rebirth me, to re-conceive me, to re-imagine me.

You preach about me. You lecture about me. You write about me.

You protest against me. You wish to isolate me. You want to banish me. You dream of imprisoning me.

You compare me to the worst of humanity’s evilness.

I get it. You don’t think much of me.

At least, that’s the message I’m receiving.

I know you say you are doing all that “in love.” I know that you say “loving the sinner, but hating the sin.”

You wanna know something?

I’m not buying it.

Because all your damned bluster sounds more like “hating the sinner” than anything else.

And…I’m not really getting that you “love the sinner” anywhere in all that. You say that you love me, but I’m not getting that at all. I, in fact, do not know that you love me.

I’m wondering, instead of telling me something that I don’t know, would you…could you…show me what I don’t know?

If you believe so strongly that Jesus is with you always and that His love is more powerful than any other force known to man, and you want me to experience His love, then why don’t you just show me?

Why are you so afraid of me and those like me? Why must you insist on speaking only about us, and not engaging us eye-to-eye?

Why must I always be kept at arms length, doubted and feared?

Why must my sexual habits be more important to you for defining my relationship with God than the testosterone-driven – and straight – male?

Why are the rules so exclusively and unequally harsh for me?

I suspect that the reason is that you simply don’t know me. You haven’t spent time with me. You haven’t asked me questions. You haven’t listened to my testimony of faith. You haven’t put your arm around me. You haven’t looked me in the eye.

You haven’t experienced my heart.

But, if you want me to really know that you love me, then that’s what you are going to have to do.

Show me.

-Trevor

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7 thoughts on “Show Me What I Don’t Know

  1. I never understood that mentality, “Love the sinner, not the sin.” It stands to reason this mentality would equally say, “Love the rapist, not the rape. Love the murderer, not the murder.” Etcetera! So I enjoy things in life that they don’t. I’m not forcing them to partake! I’m not trying to recruit them. I’m not preaching about the power of homosexuality! Think for yourselves people, for once! Stop following the heard! How would they like to hear me say, “Love the Zealot, not the zeal.”

    Sorry, got away with myself for a sec. 😕 Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel your anguish and I have to ask: Have you never thought of joining the many churches in this world of ours that do respect gay people, that do give respect such as is your due? why punish your self so to stay with people who do not , in my simple opinion , do not deserve you , nor your guidance, or your fellowship, nor in anyway your wisdom. I am sorry but there are many churches I know who would love to have your wisdom and teaching…yet you punish your self by listening to those who seem to delight in hating you? I am sorry but I don’t understand. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • I sincerely appreciate your concern for me. Your caring heart comes through each one of your comments. Just want you to know it is not lost on me. 🙂 Thank you!!

      It’s a complicated thing right now. Maybe someday it will be better. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Trevor,

    I am puzzled, because I move in very conservative circles, and I’m attracted to other men, but I don’t feel the animus that you say is directed at you. It may be something about the particular people talking to you? Or perhaps you are sensitive in some particular way, so that whenever someone says something about gay people, or about gay marriage, you immediately think they’re talking about you? They’re not. People are capable of holding views or prejudices that they apply to some “vague multitude” while assuming that the people they directly associate with are “not like those people”. (Hence the fact that my anti-Semitic aunt was her most generous and delightful self when she was actually around people she knew to be Jewish. Get her talking about Jews in a Gentile context, though, and it could be ugly.)

    Moreover, I feel like you are shifting the burden of blame, here. Is it “these people” that have rules “so exclusively and unequally harsh for you”? No, it’s not. It’s their God. They themselves would be more than happy to change the rules, if only they (a) believed changing the rules was good for you, your family, and your children, and (b) believed that the Bible endorsed such a rule change. But they don’t, and it doesn’t. The Bible is so tremendously clear on this point that nothing can be said in response. Hence my dilemma: either I remain chaste, or I stop being Christian. There is simply – by my lights, and I know others disagree – no way to be Christian while affirming homosexual activity.

    If anyone is to blame for that, it is God. Blame Him.

    Also, I’m puzzled by your claim that they would somehow change if they got to know you better. From their perspective, that change would not be welcome. They would be forced to give up their childhood faith, if they were persuaded by you. They would experience great and profound personal loss. It’s not like they have nothing at stake here. They have everything at stake. To them, it is not a matter of choosing a “liberal church” or a “conservative church”. To them, it is a matter of being a follower of Jesus or of abandoning Him.

    Are you and I caught in the crossfire of the culture war? A lot of times, yes. And that’s a very bad thing. People should be MUCH more sensitive to the experience of gay and bisexual Christians. But that doesn’t mean that they should somehow change their moral compass to accommodate them. You don’t console a thief by telling him that robbery is alright; you console them by telling them that God forgives them! If that forgiveness isn’t enough, it’s a pretty good sign that they don’t want to stop stealing, and that a radical change of heart is needed.

    I am just trying to help you see things from the other point of view, here. And, as I say, it may be that the particular people you’re talking to genuinely aren’t acting in a loving way. But many conservative Christians are loving.

    In Him,
    Daniel

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daniel – thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! Good stuff! I think you speak truth in several ways. I appreciate you helping me with my thought process.
      Maybe the biggest hurdle for me is to get past the written statements of the top leaders of my denomination who say that homosexuals are akin to child molesters, and even those gay christians who are devout in their faith and circumspect in their walk are not allowed to be engaged in the life of the church in as menial ways as ushering…”you can show up and we’ll take your money, but don’t expect to be able to do anything because we really expect you to rape some young boy in the church restroom.” That’s really tough to not see as homophobic, unloving, unChristlike, and spiritual abusive.
      I don’t want them to change their theology, I just wish they would stop expecting the worst of me.
      Again, I really liked what you wrote. Thanks for letting me vent in response. 🙂
      Trevor

      Like

      • Since I don’t know what denomination you’re a part of, I can’t speak to the specifics, but I understand your experience. I’m a Catholic, and I’ve had a similar response to the pastoral advice that gay people remain celibate combined with the papal teaching that “those with deep-seated homosexual attraction” are not suitable for the priesthood. Unless conversion therapy works reliably (and it apparently doesn’t), that’s a pretty hopeless prognosis.

        But then I remember: these policies have all been developed in the absence of input from actual people who are gay! Why? Because so many gay people have given up and abandoned the Church, or joined a Church that is gay-friendly but Scripturally questionable. The Catholic Church has begun to speak in very different ways about homosexuality, now, and it is largely because enough people have “stuck around” to help influence policy. But the more it looks like a political issue, the more “I want to have a role in teaching” morphs into “I want to incrementally change the church into a church that accepts gay marriage”, the more churches will feel like they are being conned.

        So I try to be extremely respectful, as well as being honest. If I am, for some reason, stymied and frustrated in a church, but unable or unwilling to leave that church, I need to be on guard for resentment, which is never the tool of Jesus, and always the tool of the devil. Instead, I will prove my commitment to God’s people in a way that doesn’t demand any response. I will trust that God will be my vindication, and I will not take vindication in my own hands. I will express my ideas enthusiastically when asked, but not force them on anyone. I will pray, every day, for the virtue of patience.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am a part of The Church of the Nazarene, a conservative evangelical Wesleyan-Arminian denomination.

        Your comments are really thought provoking and convicting to me. I must remember that my primary identity is “a child of God”

        I sincerely appreciate you sharing!

        Like

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