Conversation Killer

Following a series of chats an acquaintance of mine and I had over the last few weeks regarding my sexual orientation, he posted this little tidbit on Facebook the other day: “When sexuality moved from being a verb (what you DO) to a noun (who you ARE), it was a ‪#‎badmove‬, the aftershocks of which continue to decimate.”

It’s too bad he didn’t have the guts to just reach out and slap me across the face when he had the chance while we were sitting in Panera Bread talking the other day.

That’s the effect his statement had on me when I read it.

Of course, he was talking about every other sexual orientation except anything considered straight. But, I wonder, if he would embrace this same mentality for his own personal sexual orientation. It would go something like this – that he isn’t heterosexual, he just has heterosexual sex. I seriously doubt it.

Here’s the thing. He was one of the people I thought I could trust in beginning “the conversation” that I’ve written about lately. He’s a leader in the church. I really didn’t expect him to embrace all that I was telling him, but I thought he had enough intestinal fortitude to respect me. I anticipated that he would have a mind and heart to listen and hear me out. Turns out, that he must have been a million miles away while I was pouring my heart out to him.

I’m really sick of this. I’m sick of hearing this from the church. I’m sick of religious folk being so damn blissfully happy in their ignorance. I’m sick of the church considering LGBTQ people substandard…subhuman…(to use his word) “decimated.”

This, my friend – if you happen to read this blog post – is the reason you and the church cannot get a conversation started with the LGBTQ community.

Wake up!



7 thoughts on “Conversation Killer

  1. I am sorry you had that experience. Sadly many times when we are talking to people , instead of listening to what we are saying or thinking about what we mean when we talk, they are too busy in their minds already rehearsing what they are going to say next. Our talking only gives them time to marshal their thoughts, get their next argument ready in her heads. Hopefully you will find more compassionate and interested in your life and what you have to say. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Three points about your “friend”

    First – he’s not so good with the grammar. ‘Sexuality’ is and always has been a noun. (I also discovered that the word was very rare in English prior to 1900. Check it out )

    Second – he’s gutless. You said it; I second it. And notice – where *you* had the guts to have vulnerable conversations with him, he didn’t even have the guts to address you as a person. People like you and me just problems in the ether, I suppose.

    And third, too bad your friend is not a Christian. “Because ‘Christian’ is something you do, not something you are. And he’s certainly not doing.”

    Sorry this happened. You are making a difference in the world, my friend. Hugs.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Ignorance IS bliss. So much easier to play it safe than to go out on a limb.

    Cowardice is cruel. His virtual slap will only incite other like minded ‘Christians’ to follow suit.

    Have Faith in yourself.
    Have Hope in your church.
    Have Love for those afraid to understand.

    The conversation is not over.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Hey Trevor, so sad that a confidant was not able to be honest. These types of interactions can really make us feel used 😦 However, I am wondering if you might qualify a bit on your blog about your beliefs in regard to who we “are” and what we “do.” This is a hot topic in sexuality right now, especially for people like you, who have identified with homosexuality, yet are choosing to stay in a heterosexual relationship for reasons of love and commitment. My question is, are we defined by our desires or our choices? Deep down, there must be something strong in our desire category if it motivates us to choose something else that seems in opposition to another desire. You see what I mean? You must have another desire (or belief) that is stronger than your homosexual desire or belief, or else you would abandon your marriage. I bet you have some deep thoughts about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Traci, for responding and giving me the opportunity to answer some questions. I like dialogue!

      A person’s identity is way too complex to lay at the feet of an “either/or” equation – i.e., your “desires/choices” question. In my opinion, trying to force one’s identity into such a narrow and simplistic definition isn’t helpful. I am way more complex than that.

      I stay in my heterosexual marriage because I dearly love my wife and will do all that I can to fulfill my commitment to her. I’m not sure what else you think might be there, but I can assure you that my homosexual desire to be with a man – not just sexually, but to spend a life with another man – is my constant companion…and it has been since about the age of 9.

      Not sure how deep those thoughts are…but, there you have it. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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