She said “no.”
I get it. I understand.
I will honor that answer.
My wife and I have been having a conversation about what I have written about here and here and here. Not only that, but she reads my blog posts, so she is also fully aware of what I’ve shared here about all of my journey. Yesterday, in a brief exchange about my desire to pursue some kind of ministry specifically to the LBGTQ community, she replied “I am nowhere ready for anything like that now, and I don’t know when [I will be].” She knows that such a thing would necessitate me “outing” myself in the process. And, further, she understands that the family would be “outed” as well. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
I must admit that her answer took the wind out of my sails for a few hours. I work an evening shift job, and it was difficult for me to stay on task and finish the evening strong. It really was disheartening. It was my mistake to get my hopes up so high without doing due diligence in fully understanding her state of mind. My bad.
But, I’m OK with that response from her, and I will honor her wishes for these reasons:
I love her.
I respect her.
I know how threatening such a thing is for her.
But most importantly, I’m OK with that because my most precious calling in life is to be an honorable husband to her…something I will spend the rest of my life doing to make up for how terribly I’ve screwed up in the past.
So, I trust that those “conversations” that I’ve talked about the last few days actually happen.
I’ll be watching and praying…from the back side of “no.”