The Conversation Begins

As a quick refresher, sometime back, after 20+ years in local church ministry, I lost my ministerial credential as the result of having an affair with another man. I spoke of this heartbreaking, vow-breaking, and nearly family-destroying affair in Worm Thinking. Throughout the time since then, I have been blessed with the awesome grace and forgiveness of my wife, my family, and my Heavenly Father. In the midst of all that, one fact has continued to be my companion…my divine call to ministry. I answered that call at the age of 13 and it is still with me to this day. In spite of my horrific transgression, God has not lifted His call off of my life. Early on in this current journey, I was reminded that I needed a place to call “home”…my ministry home…and lately, I’ve been feeling an even more acute sense of God’s call as I wonder if anyone would want me to minister to them. I am volunteering at my local church, but this “call” is for something different. It’s just there…the call is there…it won’t leave…He keeps calling me.

And that’s where the conversation is beginning.

Yesterday, I had coffee with my former denominational supervisor. He was very gracious in our conversation as he told me that, at this time, there is “no way” for me to be restored to a credentialed ministerial status. That wasn’t a shock, I expected that answer. But I wanted to hear more, to pick his brain, to see if he thought I had any value to the denomination as a minister. He affirmed my value and stated that he believes that the denomination’s stance is in need of change. He confirmed what I had heard – that others feel the same way and am told that conversations are happening in other places and venues. People are beginning to see that it is wholly unlike the grace of God to allow a minister who had a heterosexual affair to regain his credential and not allow a minister who had a homosexual affair to regain his. I was encouraged by our talk and I walked away with a heightened sense of hope.

I have told other people many times that the LGBTQ community is a gift to the Church (the Body of Christ). The church (organized denominations, etc.) needs to find its voice in expressing its love for those of “us” who are already a part of the Body…and listen to us and let us lead the way in ministry to our friends and family in the broader LGBTQ community.

Here’s to hoping the conversations continue.
Here’s to hoping that they come talk to me.
Here’s to hoping that the Church becomes more Christ-like in the process.
Here’s to hoping that I will find my place…my home…the fulfillment of my calling.

Maybe the second half of my ministry life can be even more redemptive than the first.

I have hope.



12 thoughts on “The Conversation Begins

  1. I honestly think that there need to be more people that can speak from a position of experience when it comes to LGBT issues within the church. Although I am not currently in a church, I think back to my youth and how much I wish I had had a person I could talk to when it came to my tumultuous feelings. For a time, I was very involved in my church and that would have been a natural place to go.

    Of course, I also lived in a small town, so I might have been too scared.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, a safe person to connect with has the great potential to save many from unnecessary heartache. I hope you look for and find a safe faith community.

      Also, thanks for stopping by…come back soon! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Friend. Does your calling exist for only one church? The last time we talked of this subject I did not quite understand what you were saying, and I told you that if you had this calling and were willing to try, you would find a place and be welcome. I now understand. Many churches these days welcome homosexuals, gay people in gay life styles, and singles. Have you tried the MCC. Often called the gay church it is a church started by Troy Perry, ( Troy Deroy Perry Jr (born July 27, 1940) founded the Metropolitan Community Church, a Christian denomination with a special affirming ministry with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities, in Los Angeles on October 6, 1968.) The MCC would welcome both you and your wife, and yes you can have your credentials to Minister back. My wonderful Ron use to go to the local one here where we are. Ron also told me to suggest to you the Unitarian Universalist.

    I wonder if you go back to your old church under their terms , will you always carry the mark of being the man who had a gay affair? You will always carry the scarlet letter regardless of what penance you do for them. Maybe God is calling you to another church where both your skills are really needed and you and your family can start fresh as you are. Maybe this is Gods way to move you where he needs most. many hugs


  3. Trevor,
    I would encourage you not to put your trust in princes — that is, not to “hope that the world might change, and find a place for you.” Put your hand to the plow in whatever way you can, and see what comes of it. Pursue faithfulness for yourself, and justice for others. Jesus did not have a home; perhaps you won’t either.
    There is a balm in Gilead, but the balm is made ineffective when we nourish feelings of injustice within ourselves. Once we realize that God is treating us justly, according to our sins, we open ourselves to Him in a way that allows the following verse to take flesh in us: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
    Feelings of being treated unfairly are natural, of course. But the question is what to do with those feelings. At the very least, pray about how you can most effectively respond to them, without letting them control you!
    Peace, brother!

    Liked by 1 person

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