This Smile

My smile is authentic. It is freely shared. It is known to be genuine.

But, my smile is also something else.

This smile.

A mask.

It hides the torture of memories that refuse to die.

It hides the anger at close acquaintances who wrecked evil havoc.

It hides the pain of misplaced trust.

It hides the regrets of miscues of life decisions.

It hides the mental anguish that rages through my mind.

it hides temptations, attractions, and desires.

It hides the pain of lost friendships.

It hides the regrets of disaster that I’ve introduced into my family.

It hides that I’ve been so close to suicide that it’s scary.

It rests upon my face to hide all this, and more.

This smile.

This mask.

Hurts like hell.

-Trevor

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8 thoughts on “This Smile

  1. Despite all of the above, I love the fact that you have a “smile!” I know it may hurt like hell because I often at times put on a fake smile too, but you know what, the attitude you have of having a smile will eventually make you so strong because it is “authentic” and “strong!”

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I admire the courage you have to face the difficult parts of life head on, despite how frightening they might be. I know I don’t know you, but from reading your blog, you seem to have a lot of strength. Seeing that has actually inspired me a lot.

    I hope that time we’ll smooth out life’s harsher twists and turns, and that in the end, the greatest thing behind your smile well be joy.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Smiles are essential in our species. Most especially authentic ones, no matter the true pain behind them. It is by our smiles that we forge trust with those in our lives, be it for five seconds or a lifetime. It is our smile that encourages others to stand their own ground and smile with us. So despite the pain, it is essential in the happiness of those we include in our daily lives. Keep releasing those endorphins! πŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜€πŸ˜Šβ˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for this post. We all hide so much behind our smiles and even our grumpiness. What you wrote was such a true testament to the human condition. I wish you the very best in the times to come, happiness in your every day, a love that finds you as exciting and grand as you do them. I wish so much for you and also you keep being you. Hugs and grand love for you. Scottie

    Liked by 1 person

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