Defining Lifestyle

“Gay lifestyle”

That’s a hot-button topic in some circles. It was one of the first questions my wife asked me when I came out…”Do you want to live the gay lifestyle now?” I believe that the term would be offensive if it were not for the high degree of ignorance it reflects. And it’s mildly offensive because, the (straight) people – in my world, anyway – always mean one thing when they use that term: sex.

I don’t know about you, but I’m more than a sexual person. Much more.

And, we all are.

We are acrobats, bankers, cartoonists, dentists, economists, farmers…you get the drift (…so that I don’t have to go through the entire alphabet). We are all colors, shapes, and sizes. We are all ethnicities and come from every corner of the planet. We are all religious beliefs. We drive all sorts of cars. We live in all neighborhoods. We are in all socioeconomic levels. We are here, there, and everywhere. And we are all totally unique, each and every one of us.

Some people think and say that I would fall into the category of people who want to change the meaning of commonly used words. That I want “lifestyle” to mean something other than what it means. Actually, they only think and say that because they want “lifestyle” to refer to a flaming, outrageous, abrasive, horned up gay guy that is jumping in bed with every guy that walks by who is the least bit attractive.

That’s just stupid.

Here’s my gay lifestyle:
* Husband in a mixed-orientation marriage
* Dad
* Grandpa
* Hold a Master’s degree
* Professional manager
* Accomplished musician
* Christian
* Sexually chaste

Sadly, that last item is the one and only thing that many people ever think of. But in reality, I’m your average guy. Kinda boring, really. Not nearly as exciting as some people imagine.

I think that the main reason people believe what I have described is they haven’t spent the amount of time and shared the amount of heart with any gay people to learn who they really are. We are pretty regular people. I know…big shock, eh?

I’m not a bird…please don’t pigeonhole me.

Neither are you.



10 thoughts on “Defining Lifestyle

  1. What a brilliant article. I’ve been meaning to write something along these lines too. I hate it when they call it “alternative lifestyle.” I am a professional architect and I am not after sex. I have dreams and goals like any other man or woman out there.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Maybe the next time one of my unmarried straight Christian friends comes to confide in me about something, I should say “oh no… you’re not living the straight lifestyle, are you?”

    I’ll get a kick out of that!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Great post!
    I think your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. It is ignorance; a lack of exposure to those of us who identify as same-sex loving folk that leads them to believe the default definition of being gay. But then that only begs to ask the question: are we sharing all aspects of ourselves so as to better educate those living the straight lifestyle?

    I am very blessed to have a close knit family that embraces me for all of who I am and more so because I am honestly open about my sexual attraction for the same sex. It has taken time, but they have reached the point of unconditional love for me so that now instead of asking “Are you having sex with him?”, they now ask “Are you in love with him?”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Being able to share openly is a blessing, I’m sure. As in your case, I’m sure it will take quite a while for me to get there, and it won’t happen at all for some of my closest family with whom I dare not share anything for risk of being ostracized.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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