My Place

I need to find my place.

Since the tornado-type catastrophic damage of my confessed gay affair and subsequent coming out leveled the world that was “us,” all my energies have been spent on salvaging and reconditioning the remnants of the relationships in my life. It is like the storm has passed and now the rescue and cleanup teams have arrived and begun their work. The dust has settled and now the hard work is at hand.

My wife and I are in counseling to help us navigate the journey of a mixed orientation marriage. We are learning to talk through difficult issues in healthier ways than we ever have before in our nearly 25 years of marriage. One of the biggest areas for my wife is a need to feel safe and secure. So, in order to meet those needs, I need to rebuild myself as a confident, transparent, trusting, and trustworthy spouse to my wife. This is my place.

My relationship with my children will never be the same. I hope that I was, in some way, a good role model and inspiration to them. Undoubtedly, that has been severely damaged…at the very least. Even though 2 of the 3 are now grown and out of the nest, they all need a daddy that they can depend on, look up to, and confide in. I need to rebuild myself as a consistent, trustworthy, and approachable father. They also need to see all that, and a complete allegiance and faithfulness to their mother. This is my place

When the storm landed, I lost my vocation. I had spent 20 years giving my life to the calling and love of my vocational life. I need to find that place again. This weekend, I am able to use my experience to play a very quiet, behind-the-scenes role at a weekend event. Nobody will notice (as long as I don’t mess up 🙂 ), and I’m cool with that. I’m OK with being in the quiet corner; I no longer have to be up front. It’s a beginning in finding a place.

My place.
I need to find my place.
I have to find my place of peace, contentment, and enjoyment.
My place…a place to call “home.”

For this, I live.

-Trevor

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “My Place

  1. Wherever that place might be, it sounds like you’re headed in the right direction. It’s always scary venturing into new territories, but if we don’t try, we’ll never know. Best of luck with your behind-the-scenes role this weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The Conversation Begins | LifeInCocoon

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s